The Foreignist

At one point in my life, I was a fully-capable, adult human being. That was my life B.C. - that is, Before Croatia. The feeling that I am no longer a “real” adult comes from my experiences with the Croatian bureaucracy. The long lines, the red tape, constantly changing and (from my experience) meaningless regulations, arbitrary fees - I used to think that it was directed at me because I’m a foreigner, but I was actually dead wrong. I’ve been to these same government offices with some of my Croatian friends (sometimes it’s the only way I can spend time with them is to go stand in line with them), and through these experiences with my Croatian friends have learned that it is oftentimes easier for me. That’s where the feeling of being a dim-wit comes in. The pencil-pushers actually feel sorry for the stupid American. They can look at me and tell that I’m obviously only slightly more intelligent than their 3rd-grader. I sound like a caveman when speaking Croatian, with lots of hand motions, pointing, and grunting. But that’s not what moves them to pity. I have a theory that my trying to maintain a positive attitude during all of this inefficiency is what causes the condescending look on their face. My optimism comes across as incredibly naive. Their thoughts must be something along the line of “Everyone gets beat down by the bureaucracy, so why is this American smiling at me? He must be oblivious to the fact that I could ruin his life. He’s obviously an idiot. Maybe I should help him.” Those thoughts mingled with the requisite anti-Americanism, and I get some sort of response that feels like I’m truly annoying them, and I should feel happy that they are even talking to me. It is almost exactly like the feeling you get when you were ten years old and you have to talk to an adult (other than parents or a teacher) for some reason. It makes you feel insignificant. The people in these bureaucratic offices almost always want to make you feel guilty for bothering them. That’s why a discretely-given gift (not a cash bribe) can do a lot to increase your self-esteem during the whole process. It at least shows that you understand who is in charge of the situation and that you’re not a total rube. This person is getting paid peanuts to do mundane tasks in a system where everything is still done on paper, so playing the role of grand-master-over-lord in their office is the only sense of meaning and purpose they get out of their job. Who am I to try take that away from them? I play the game, and become known as the likable American idiot.

Three years ago we packed up our overstuffed, climbing-the-corporate-ladder, southern American lives and moved half way across the world to the republic of Croatia. It sounded like a good idea at the time. It has proved to be one of those few landmark decisions that truly shape who you will be for the rest of your life.

Living in Dalmatian culture in the city of Split, I have gained a fresh perspective on who I truly am, not just as an American woman in a metro setting, but apart from any familiar context to blend into. Unsightly imperfections in my personality have surfaced here that I may never have discovered while slip-covered in my previous pottery barn world (and it WAS beautiful, I’m not condemning the previous phase of my life). However, in addition to the plethora of imperfections, I have seen more inside myself to give me hope since we’ve been in Croatia than I ever would have thought possible.

It’s an amazing feeling to wake up every morning, see yourself for who you are, and still confidently know that you are becoming the person God designed you to spend this short time on earth blooming into. Although your kids are screaming and whining and cultural nuances are driving you mui loco en la cabeza, the concentrated dose of character growth that this experience is daily producing is absolutely envigorating to the spirit. I have thoughts like “I can do this!” and “My life IS making a difference!” Instead of the pessimistic fears I used to have about reaching my potential as a person, I am now confidently assured of the Father’s progressive handiwork in my life.

I know I will never reach the apex of being fully conformed to the image of Christ in this lifetime, but there is something empowering about seeing constant progress towards that goal. I guess when all of life is a challenge there are endless opportunities for growth. I have always wanted to live an amazing life, and although I may be the only one who sees it as such, I feel like God is giving me the desire of my heart.

The term “foreignist” is a word that has been used to describe American missionaries living in Croatia. The term “foreignist” has been used in several cultures to describe different types of foreigners or foreign influences. Here, it is a very clever, yet unintentional, combination of the words “foreigner” and “tourist”. As you might be able to tell, it is not a term of endearment.

Though we have lived here for almost three years, have a long-term lease on our house, own a car, and Garrett is going to Croatian kindergarten, most Croatian expect us to leave next week. Part of it is an inherent mistrust of outsiders. Another part is the fact that so many European tourist come here every summer and then leave. Add to the mix that they cannot comprehend why we are here when America is like living in Disneyland all the time, and they just expect us to leave.

My closest friends here know that we are here to stay. But even they get scared we are going to leave. Not in the same way as the mistrustful ones, but in a way that shows how disappointed they would be if we left.

I think about Isaac and how even though he grew up in Canaan - lived there his whole life - he was still treated like a foreignist by the people around him. Never quite sure what his angle was, always suspicious of him, and jealous when things were going good for him, the Philistines mistrusted Isaac and didn’t like his presence in their city. They sent him away in a “most unfriendly way.”

But after sending him away, the Philistines realized that Isaac had brought a godly and enriching influence to their city. They came to him and made a covenant with him. A cross-cultural agreement of understanding, respect, and friendship.

That is what I really want to happen here in Split, and it has with several of my friends. Cross-cultural friendships based on they’re being able to see that the Lord is with me.